How to Dress Cool

There are currently a few types of ‘cool’ asian stereotypes that really p*ss me off. At some point in time, these trends decided they are the ‘sh*t’ and have spread like Kim Kardashian and/or herpes. As a fellow Asian I have definitely been guilty of a few fashion faux pas.What am I talking about exactly you might ask? Well our version in its sh*ttest form generally stretches from trying to replicate hipsters/roided up idiots at a music festival to the my dads a lawyer Ralph Lauren wearing douche look.

I’m most probably somewhere in between here when it comes to fashion but what I want to sink my teeth into are three main stereotypes.

1. The Asian Gym Junkie

men's health parody

This guy probably didn’t have a lot of positive self esteem when he was younger. So as any good over correction does, once he adds some muscle, he suddenly gains confidence. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop here. As the muscles grow, so does the ego. Overcompensation becomes this guy’s forte and the clothes become tighter and smaller. Due to the fact most Asians are under 6 feet tall, this guy will soon resemble a disproportioned action figure doll and/or has such severe small man syndrome that his head might just explode if he isn’t told how nice his side boob is. Dude, you need to calm down. Chicks dig fitness and confidence, not d*ckhead (well the ones worth keeping do).

2. The ‘Rich’ Asian


The second guy is the rich Asian. They have daddy’s credit card and absolutely no style. Their idea of spending $1000 is probably an iPhone 6 plus plus plus plus S and a Givenchy t-shirt that’s 4 sizes too big (the big the better hey?), or one that has a logo bigger than item of clothing itself; regardless of whether it suits them (not possible you say? Go find that guy and tell me I’m lying. I know you know one). It doesn’t end here though. The true ‘rich’ Asian will also insist on paying for things as a way of showing how ‘powerful’ he is. He then will constantly remind you of it as if he was doing you such a massive favour. To this guy I say, ‘Mate, you need to find some clothes that actually make you look like a normal human being and calm down. People worth keeping around will like you for you and not that Gucci belt that’s slicker than your hair.

3. The Street Style Asian


This one is the most interesting. Of the three stereotypes, I find this one is probably the least offensive. However, I think that’s what pisses me off more. The inspiration for a lot of this type of clothing are 6 foot 6 black guys growing up in the hood of America. What the f*ck does a 5 foot nothing Asian who can’t ball for shit and grew up with all of life’s essentials, know about the brand? Then there’s the hipster cross over of this stuff. Not wanting to be left out, they happily pay $500 to look homeless (way to show you are a real hipster). At least go to an op shop and stop being such a twat.

Now before you all get on the band wagon and throw hate, let me say that if you are of at least average height and relatively lean, then the over saturation and mass production that is the global economy, will mean that you should look half decent as any of the three stereotypes. I’m not critiquing you. I’m after the over compensaters who really need to get over themselves and become an asset to society.

Remember people. Confidence is good but too much dick makes you a slut.

Can you guess which one I am?



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