We’re All Horrible

We all suck as people. More so we are c*nts. It doesn’t matter how good your intentions were, you will invariably still come across as a c*nt.

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Let me start by giving one example. One of any hospitality worker’s great peeves is for a group of people to not know what to order and then proceed to order the same thing over multiple rounds. Not only is it inefficient, it’s just so damn annoying.

So naturally, I and a group of old hospo friends did just that. I could probably be excused as I’ve been out of the game for almost three years now but what excuse can you provide my friends other than people are c*nts (intentional or not).

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Which now brings me to my next point on the ever rolling conveyor belt of c*ntish things. This nicely links because we just so happened to be at the Beaufort in Carlton,  Melbourne.

A few weeks ago a group of kids visited the venue to review the burgers (which are actually rather decent) and post it on their Instagram account – Burger Bun Day. The post was innocent enough in its beginning (albeit slightly racist, but hey they could be Italian) before unfortunately ending in the following homophobic slur (not sure how they can wriggle out of this one).


“*Quote of the night*- whilst waiting for two girls to finish using the pool table, one of the BBD members pointed out that they were probably “bean eating rug munchers” to which another member responded with absolute shock “I honestly thought that was a bloke!””

I don’t think these guys set out to be racist or homophobic. However, when you’re out in the public and voicing opinions to a platform of kids with too much free time and a lot of angst you’ve got to be PC – politically correct.


So not only were these kids obviously c*nts, but the social media backlash was essentially a massacre of c*ntish proportions. Did it warrant this? The venue definitely thought so as they fired back with a response which concluded with the following.

“look forward to you guys returning so we can serve serve you up a bag of fried dicks with some racist mayonnaise and some lesbian hating kosher salt”. 

You can find the full story via this link (click here).

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Naturally, I found this whole exchange rather amusing, but it did bring to light that people are generally c*nts to each other and the only factor which makes it acceptable on a personal level depends on whether you like that particular brand of c*ntonese.

Thinking even further as I often like to do, I identified my most common un/intentional c*ntish mannerism. I’m more introvert than extrovert so in a social context, I essentially have a limited amount of interaction before I feel the need to leave. This often gets me into a spot bother when I meet people for the first time.

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Basically after the pleasantries are done, I feel the need to leave and generally will only want to talk to said person again on the next chance meeting. I’ve thought long and hard about why I feel this need and it could be because I have trust issues (i.e. The second meeting is my irrational way of assuring myself that I’m not being deceived by what the other person is saying – probably because of the existing notion that people are all c*nts).


Much like the pain felt by girls with resting bitch face, the fall out of all this is one where I could potentially be described as a stuck up preppy kid who thinks he’s better than most people (i.e. one of the most common forms of c*nt). In the past there probably have been occasions where upon finding this out, I have essentially over reacted with actions which invariably justify the title.

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With each occurrence I’d like to think I’ve become less socially awkward. However, all this does is mask the fact that it doesn’t matter if you work in a bank, hospitality, engineering and so on – people are and will always be c*nts. All you can really do is laugh at the amusing ones, subscribe to a gospel that you allows you to look at yourself in the eye every morning and embark on the quest to find that one other c*nt that enables you to achieve all that you can.



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